- Forty days Moses was with God in the mount (Exodus 24:18)
- Moses led Israel from Egypt at age 80 and after 40 years in the wilderness, died at age 120
- Goliath presented himself to Israel for 40 days
- David reigned over Israel for 40 years
- The holy place of the temple was 40 cubits long
- Elijah had one meal that gave him strength for 40 days
- God gave Ninevah 40 days to repent
- Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights
- Jesus was tempted for 40 days
- Jesus remained on Earth 40 days after his resurrection
- Women are pregnant for 40 weeks (time of testing)
I Have been trying to get this blog post out for weeks, but I keep either having revelations and have to edit or am just simply crazy busy. I am not going to sit here and pretend that I am some eloquent speaker/writer who has all the answers, because I am NOT and I don't. But I CAN give you transparency, realness and hope.
I was contemplating quite a bit this last Saturday, in fact A LOT last Thursday, Friday and Saturday while sitting; waiting and exhausted in the neurosciences floor of a hospital in Minneapolis. It dawned on me that on March 17 it will be 40 days since I found out our sweet baby, Miles Timothy, had gone to be with Jesus; he had no heartbeat. I had suffered a second trimester pregnancy loss. It was also this 40th day that I found out our sweet Miles had no chromosomal abnormalities, per genetic testing results. I cried. Hard. Earlier autopsy results showed no concrete reasons and now genetic testing also shows nothing. Heavy sigh, heavy heart....
The number 40 just stood out so much and as I started to pray, I realized the number 40 is a very significant number in the Bible! It represents times of trial and testing; prosperity and probation.
March 17- day 40 of just complete and utter ups and downs and elation and tests! Yes! Could it be that the past 40 days represents a period of testing?! Temptation from the enemy?! Why Jesus himself was tempted and tried! My Sunday school class this last Sunday, we discussed this very thing that Jesus himself was tempted for 40 days (Luke ch. 4). Jesus was full of the holy spirit (much like I ask to be every day) and was led by the spirit out into the wilderness for 40 days; being tempted by the enemy. Jesus ate nothing these 40 days and the enemy basically "dared" him to turn stones into bread, if he really was the son of God. Jesus' sword was scripture. Again, the devil tempted Jesus by offering Jesus everything upon worshipping him. Again. Jesus' sword was Gods word.
In these 40 days I have lost a baby at 15 1/2 weeks, had very sick children, had my 8 year old daughter baptized out of her own free will on a moments notice, have been emotionally and physically drained, have gone to a biblically based conference but not before my husband got very hurt on the job the day before and then the latest ordeal trying to figure out why my husband isn't getting better and experts don't know what they are looking at.
The past 40 days the devil's been working overtime, no? March 17 not only marked our 40th day, but it marked 6 Mondays since I sneezed on that operating table and safely delivered Miles Timothy. I learned (with my youth today) through no coincidence - God knows what he is doing - that Jesus used scripture to defeat the enemy and the enemy's temptations. Scripture is Our Sword.
6 Mondays ago I walked into that hospital in Minneapolis, armed with so much scripture and songs in my head that my heart was overflowing! The enemy was trying to tempt me with fear and trying to consume me with anxiety over my procedure, and I fought back with Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the holes, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire-you shall not be burned and the flames shall not consume.
God over-delivered in his promise and gave me the safest procedure I could have endured - that sneeze was his gift so I could safely recover and not only come back to my family, but continue my walk through the fire.
I was also armed with 2 Corinthians 1:3 - God is using my affliction for his good. And he brings me peace.
Like Jesus in the wilderness; he's my example, and I - WE- have been walking through this wilderness for the past 40 days, using scripture to resist the urge to blame God and turn away from Him and instead, it's brought our family not only closer together, but to God! The enemy hates that! Why just right now my hubby is at the kitchen table reading a book he picked up at our conference we went to. The devil is angry.
Sometimes I think God feels it necessary to accomplish a part of his plan in various ways. He may bring forth judgments or trials or prosperity or probation. Sometimes he leads us down paths where it could be very easy to listen to our own selfish ways and take care of
things ourselves, use our own strengths to "feed" or satisfy what we think we need. Much like Jesus in the wilderness. The last 40 days and all that has happened has been my wilderness. I could have easily turned away from God and became angry, stopped going to church and hated life. The enemy would have loved that! Instead, I was so armed, and still am, with scripture and hope that I have remained strong and defeated the enemy.
AFTER THE TEMPTATION OF JESUS
Jesus begins his ministry. It is my turn now. I can't even believe how clear things seem or how full my heart feels right now, despite all my unfortunate circumstances.
I still ache for baby Miles. I see little newborn clothes in blue when walking around Target and I cry. I found my diaper coupons I had cut out because I was going to start stocking up; I cried. I have dreams of my little one, and I wake up in tears. I can see his little face in my dreams, he looks just like my oldest son. I look at myself in my full length mirror behind my bedroom door and instead of a growing belly, I see a flat stomach.
the medical issue with my husband is not over and I will add that the devil even has his hand in this as recent as a couple nights ago in my dreams, when I woke up freaking about finances while my husband is on leave. My dream the other night was one, big balance sheet. The enemy has a lot of tools at his disposal, but nothing that compares to scripture deep in your heart.
I invite you to read how my last 40 days have played out as I add entries from my two notebooks I filled up since the beginning of February. You will see transparency, and yes sin and human nature. (You will also see why my childhood nickname used to be Gabby, LOL!!) But, you will never see my faith and trust in the Lord leave. Ever.
Like Jesus, I start my ministry. Even if I only touch ONE person, it's well worth my time and effort to pour my soul into this. I knew that someday I would be part of something huge, mission related, and monumental and this is it. This month, I launch "Miles of Hope".
MILES OF HOPE
Resources, support, and most of all love and hope for parents who have suffered pregnancy and infant loss. Because I am sooooooo new at this I will start online offering "blog support", email support and a private Facebook group. Eventually, as I find my way, I with God's help, serve my community and surrounding areas. 1 in 4 women will suffer pregnancy and infant loss; some will know why and some will never know. You do not and should not have to do this alone.
Miles of Hope welcomes all parents that have gone through this painful experience, regardless of religious affiliation. Understand though that Miles of Hope is founded on the basis of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ, the father of mercies and God of all comfort. Who comforts us in our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
And is specifically aimed at mothers and fathers experiencing the rollercoaster that is life after pregnancy and infant loss. Through Miles of Hope I hope to offer just that -- hope. Hope that each person will be able to heal even just a little bit--heck even heal myself--and in turn comfort others who are in the trenches facing the same awful thing.
Please feel free to email me through this blog, make comments here or email to my personal email that I'll add in another post!
May God of all comfort bless you!
